Accurately Identifying Your Emotions
There are some questions clinical counsellors find themselves asking at least one hundred times a day; “How are you feeling?” is one of those questions. I mean, you have probably heard this question a million times by hundreds of different people for many different reasons! It is one that almost begins to lose its meaning, yet the answer it elicits is crucial to understanding our wellness needs!
Emotion identification is a foundational skill to emotion regulation, which is our ability to respond to our emotions and feelings in a healthy and effective way. Many of us can recognize and differentiate between the basic emotions as they show up for us: anger, sadness, happiness, and fear. And then there are the hundreds of more nuanced emotions; dismayed, violated, inadequate, indifferent, appalled, hopeful, excluded, victimized, and powerless just to name a few. Each of these more nuanced emotions can be more difficult to differentiate from the other, as many feel very similarly in our bodies. Spending time developing skills to increase our emotion identification can help improve our self-awareness and help us better understand ways to respond effectively to each emotion’s different needs.
Yes, you read that right. Emotions communicate to us, and we communicate with our emotions. This, in essence, is how we can regulate our emotions! For instance, when anger shows up, it lets us know that someone is taking advantage of us, or something feels unfair; on the other hand, happiness shows up to remind us that things are going well and that we are feeling balanced. Here is a short list of what some emotions communicate to us when they show up:
Anger: Something/someone has hurt you or someone you love; there is injustice here
Fear: There is an imminent threat here toward you or someone you love
Shame: You will face rejection by an important person or group of people
Sadness: Something cherished has been lost
Joy: There is something happening that is meaningful and important that you value
Because each emotion communicates a different message, it is important to accurately identify what we are truly feeling. Remember: your accuracy will take time and practice, like any other worthwhile skill! What happens if we misidentify? No worries. You will most likely know if you have mislabelled an emotion because it will continue to linger even after responding to its needs. Think of it like trying to understand what an infant is communicating through crying; they will keep crying until their needs are satisfied.
So, how does one practice identifying their emotions? The best way to build this skill is to approach your emotions like a separate companion. Here are some steps you can take when you notice a shift in your emotions:
1) Pause and listen. Take time to feel your emotions within your body and listen to your thoughts. Ask yourself: is my energy high, low, or neutral? What do my thoughts sound like? What actions do I have the urge to engage in?
2) Reflect. Reflect on the situation you are in. Is there something that happened that might explain your shift in emotions? Or is there something around that has triggered a past memory that is closely tied to certain emotions?
3) Use an Emotion Wheel. It can be helpful to use an Emotion Wheel to differentiate between similar emotions. To narrow your choices down, start first by identifying your energy level. Low-energy emotions, like sadness, will feel differently in your body and higher-energy emotions, like anger or fear. Once you understand your energy level, it will be easier to pinpoint which part of the Wheel you should be focusing on.
And there you have it! You are now well on your way to improving your emotion regulation through accurate emotion identification. Honour your needs as they show up because the power is in your hands to improve your wellness.
