The Problem with Goal-Setting for the New Year (and How to Solve it)

We have counted down the last few seconds of 2022 and are now feeling the high that comes with the reset of a new year. We are busy making plans as to how to make the year 2023 “our year”; yet, isn’t this the exact same thing we promised ourselves last year…and the year before that? Why exactly do our best intentions during January goal-setting fail to lead to the success we hope for year after year? Well, there are many different parts to this all-too-common occurrence. Let’s break it down.

All-or-Nothing Thinking

If you are anything like me, you really do have every bit of intention to see your January goals through to the end; so, it isn’t your motivation that is the problem! Instead, what typically happens in January is we see goal-setting as an all-or-nothing task: we either lose all the weight or none at all; we find the secret to 100% life balance, or we accept our life has no balance; we invest 100% of our energy into our professional efforts or nothing. Sound familiar? A way to make goal-setting a more attainable endeavour is to think less black-and-white and more grey. For instance, if finding the balance between work and home is a priority, allow this to happen in multiple ways. There may be days where work takes far more of your time and energy than home and vice versa – this is okay and doesn’t mean you have failed at succeeding in your goal for balance. In fact, it may lead you to realize what balance means to you is different than what it means to others. The most important part of defining your goal is making sure you are intentionally making decisions that align with it (and allow for backwards movement, too! No one gets it right 100% of the time). Allowing for this mental flexibility can lead to less rigidity in our actions and improved self-efficacy.

Lack of Planning

Another important part of goal-setting is planning for the long term. Chances are the goals you are setting are far too important to encapsulate within one year, so planning to make long-lasting changes can help pace yourself. Think of it this way: goal-setting is step one in your master plan toward meaningful change; it takes more than just positive thinking and good intentions to make this change happen. It takes self-discipline, motivation, and a clear plan. It can be constructive to schedule check-in points with yourself at different intervals throughout your first year to ensure you are still on track. Like anything else important, it makes sense to set this time aside in a formal way, so you are held accountable for this time. I find it helpful to schedule a quick 15-minute check-in every month into my monthly planner and digital calendar. Having these monthly check-ins allows me to ask myself important questions that keep me on track, such as:

·       Since my last check-in, have I made forward motion toward my goal? (It is important to note that I do not beat myself up for any stalled moments, or even backwards movement; the point here is to acknowledge movement forward)

·       What are some obstacles that have come up since the last check-in? Can I expect similar obstacles in the future? If so, is there a way to plan for them to make it less likely to become a setback?

·       Is this goal still aligned with my values? Do I need to make tweaks to it? (I will speak more to this under “Misaligned Goal”)

Looking Too Closely at the Whole

As discussed in “Lack of Planning”, it is easy to lose track of goal progression without a plan of action and check-in points. Another way to ensure we are making progress in our goals is to think in 1% changes, rather than focusing our attention on the whole picture. Think about it: your big, important goals are far too massive to hold inside your mind at any given point in time. For this reason, it is super easy to lose confidence in our ability to succeed in big goals. To maintain your motivation, it can be helpful to think about all of the smaller steps you need to take in order to make your way toward your over-arching goal – like a staircase, you can only take one step at a time! So, let’s take another look at our goal of finding work-life balance through this lens. Instead of making every day a perfectly balanced day, ask yourself what is necessary to move toward this bigger picture. Perhaps on Day One, it is researching different task management apps or software to make your workday more efficient; or, maybe on Day One, you will spend 5 extra minutes connecting with your child about their day around the dinner table. If you think about it, taking 1% steps every day means 365% change by the end of the year! Now that’s impressive.

Misaligned Goals

Last, but certainly not least, let’s discuss the goals you are setting for yourself – do they truly align with who you are as a person and the values you hold in your life? Or, are they perhaps goals others have set for you based on their values? If it’s the latter, you’re sunk!

Values are those underlying core beliefs that we try our best to live our life by. If you have never explored your personal values, I highly recommend doing so! Speaking with your clinician is a great place to start. If you are looking for a list of values, Russ Harris has an excellent one that I have linked here. Once you have a solid understanding of your core values, you can set goals that you are more likely to act on. If, for instance, my goal is to lose weight this year, yet realize that my value is actually physical health and fitness, I may have to redefine my goal. Instead of simply losing weight, a value-aligned goal would take into consideration eating habits, daily movement, muscle development, and sleep – nowhere in there did I state losing weight! So, I invite you to explore your values before locking in your January goals.

I would like to end on this final note: let your journey be more than just day 365 this year; make every day count! All of your successes, setbacks, your detours, and your wanderings mean more than simply where you end the year. And for all of the 1% steps, you take toward your goals – kudos! You are making real change happen.