Feeling Joyful – It’s Not Always as Easy as It Sounds…But It Can Be

As soon as December comes around, we are blasted with messages of joy, peace, and merriment – be joyful, be peaceful, be merry and bright…Yeah, sometimes it isn’t that easy! In fact, the holiday season can have us focusing on how to improve the happiness of others, instead of looking inward to improve it for ourselves. I mean, I can’t be the only one feeling the pressure of finding the perfect gifts for my loved ones, right?

Joy is one feeling that comes up often as a source of frustration in my clinical practice. I often hear clients hesitate to invite such a warm feeling into their lives out of guilt or worry. At times, joyfulness feels like an inappropriate emotion, like when dealing with a recent loss, or when others around us are facing a profound struggle. In these moments, when the feeling of joy comes up, we can reflexively push it down out of guilt. We feel that we do not deserve such warmth during a time of hardship. At other times, especially when faced with the uncertainty of security and safety, feelings of joy signal to us that we are vulnerable to threat. The relaxed state related to joy can feel uneasy, as it puts us at risk for an easy attack. Again, out of a reflexive response, we put up our guard to stay vigilant. Here’s the thing, even if the pain is just around the bend, the absence of joy will not protect you from it. Whether out of guilt or worry, pushing away feelings of joy is not conducive to a life of wellness and surely doesn’t guarantee safety.

We as adults can take a lesson in joyfulness from children. Working in a public school system, I am reminded every day by little voices of just how important (and simple!) joy truly is. Unlike adults, children have an easier time accessing the present moment; this is because their developing brains are limited in their ability to reason and think ahead to tomorrow’s consequences. So, when presented with an invitation to join a game of tag or even a warm smile, children can access the feelings of joy that accompany offers of love, support, and belonging without too much extra thought. Ah, simpler times…

Let me reframe this for a second. Think back to a time in your adulthood (or teenagerhood) when you found it difficult to sit with joy. Take time to really sit with the memory. Now, replace that adult version of you with the child version of you. Would you ask that child to stop being joyful because it is an inappropriate thing to feel? Would you warn the child to stop being joyful because it could leave them vulnerable to pain? We are often a lot more compassionate when we view ourselves through the lens of our childhood self.

Finally, let’s take a moment to talk about gratitude. It is a mindset that can change everything. Try this:

1.     Sitting in a quiet place void of interruption, close your eyes and visualize 3 things you are grateful for. The smaller the thing, the better; for instance, the warm cup of tea you started your day with, or the smile you received from a co-worker when you arrived at work. With each item (gesture, sound, smell, action, etc.) you identify, notice the feeling of gratitude rising within you.

2.    After identifying 3 items, let the feeling of gratitude rise within you without having it connected to any one object. Notice the shift in your body and mind as gratitude in its essence fills you completely up.

3.    Now, send that gratitude out to the world. Visualize it completely engulfing the world with warmth and positive energy.

Feeling joyful is a beautiful gift you can give yourself. Don’t wait for the holidays to reclaim your joy.