The Inner Critic - Improving Confidence and Pushing Through Obstacles
Do you know that voice inside of you that makes change seem impossible? You know, the one that tears apart your ideas for growth and leaves you feeling foolish for thinking it was possible to move forward? We may use different names to describe this voice I refer to with clients as the “Inner Critic”. This critical internal voice uses destructive thought patterns to undermine your decision-making, discouraging you from acting in your best interest. When permitted to go unchecked, the Inner Critic will minimize our accomplishments, strengths, and positive feelings about ourselves. It will ultimately pull our focus onto our insecurities, negatively impacting our relationship with self and others and halting any goal-related actions. Some examples of what the Inner Critic might sound like are:
· You are lazy. You don’t have what it takes to make real change happen
· You are weak and no one cares about you
· You are too stressed, you cannot handle this
· This is never going to work. You are going to feel like this no matter what you do
· You don’t deserve this success you are experiencing right now
Identifying this voice and recognizing that it is a part of you (NOT the whole part!) is an important first step in improving self-confidence.
When first introducing the concept of the Inner Critic to a client, I often use the metaphor of watching a scary movie. If you turn on the movie when you are all alone late at night with the volume on high and the lights off, chances are you will feel intensely afraid. Alternatively, those same intense feelings of fright will dramatically decrease if you were to turn the same movie on in the middle of the day with the volume turned down low with a group of friends over.
The voice of your Inner Critic works much in the same way as the horror movie – the internal environment we create will influence the power of the Inner Critic’s words on your physical and mental states. Taking time to reflect on when your Inner Critic has shown up in the past can help provide you with some freedom from its hold on you. Remember: the work you do is not in an attempt to silence the Inner Critic altogether – it is here to stay, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Think about it this way, if you woke up one day and your Inner Critic was suddenly gone, what would happen? While it may be a peaceful existence for a while, sooner or later you would notice a drop in motivation to move forward.
Like the protagonist in the horror movie, having an antagonist like your inner critic requires active engagement in the growth process; this active engagement requires energy, and when energy is in use, we feel purposeful and connected to our lives. It can also be helpful to draw what your Inner Critic looks like – maybe even give it a name; then, draw another part of you: the loving part that believes in your capacity for change. Sending love to your Inner Critic and letting it know that you are in charge is a powerful way to make peace with this energy-zapping inner voice.
